My Journey From Pro-Choice to Fighting for the Sanctity of Life
"Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter." (Proverbs 24:11)
I am fully aware that this blog may be one of my most unpopular, contentious, and revealing, but I am reminded often that where God places me to be and whatever He calls me to do is not for the glory of me but instead for the pursuit of truth and glory of Him. Although the title of this blog eludes to my personal account of my views changing from pro-choice to fighting for the sanctity of life, the intent behind what I will write is not actually about me at all. My intent is to call Christians back to the truth of God's Word, even in the midst of what is considered to be an incredibly unpopular notion, so that we might stand for scripture in the face of a society that desires our conformity to their ideals. For if we [Christians] do not stand for what God so clearly says both in the Old Testament and New is a precious and unique life worth fighting for, then who will? Christians have a unique belief in the defense against abortion in that we believe each person is known and created by God, knitted together in their mother's womb. Even more, we as Christians believe and read that before God knitted any person together in the womb of their mother, He knew them (Jeremiah 1:5). We must start here when we discuss the sanctity of life because as with all things, our basis for truth is not our feelings or that of the outside world; our basis for truth is the Word of God and His authority in it. I recognize that this, among what else I will assert, is wholly detested and to many outright absurd. The arguments against my opinion do not fall on deaf ears, but I know I am called by scripture to not be conformed to this world but to continually be transformed by the renewing of my mind in His Word. Moreover, I am called to rescue those being taken away to death and hold back those stumbling to the slaughter (Proverbs 24:11).
This calling and mandate are not taken lightly, partially because of the outlier situations of rape and incest and the consequential immense pain one carries with that. Additionally, I do not write this blog flippantly with disregard for contrary viewpoints because of my own journey and experience looking at it from a completely different lens than I do now. I do not want my change in how I view this particular issue, though, to potentially say that I could be convinced back to my original position. That simply cannot be the case because God, by His grace, has given me a new heart and mind in Christ Jesus. His Spirit that now dwells in me, bears witness to the true word of God and the convictions He has now placed on my new heart. This transformation in me is by no work of my own. This transformation truly speaks to the truth of the verses in Galatians 2:20 as it says, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." My faith in the Son of God and my commitment to the Word of God are what compels me to see my story not as my own but for God to use as He wills for His glory and mine and others best. As I have already seen God use what I so blatantly did against Him, I find rest in knowing He is continually sovereign. So even if I am hated for my belief that abortion is murder, I trust that the Lord is always at work. Christ taught that those who follow Him will be hated. I do not pursue the hatred of others as if I am a special martyr deemed worthy of fame. Instead, by God's grace, I pursue knowing Him, making Him known, and fighting for the truth of the Bible.
I pray that anyone reading this can suspend their presuppositions of a pro-life argument and see my heart for the sanctity of life. The idea of the sanctity of life is not brought forth because a group of humans desiring to abolish abortion said so but because the Creator of the universe [God] made us in His Image with worth, value, and dignity even before our mother's womb became our first home.
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I remember standing on the street corner quietly observing the shouts, signs, pink hats, and at times obscene 'outfits'. I felt a swell of pride come forth as if to say I was partaking in something special; something with meaning and worth. I couldn't tell you why I felt it necessary to walk a mile or two with a gathering of mostly women and a few men, but the idea of being a part of a gathering centered around the rights of women felt right. It felt right not because I, myself, had ever experienced grandiose subjections to being oppressed or ridiculed simply because of my gender or reproductive organs. It felt right, in many ways, because why would walking for the rights of my femininity be wrong? As with anything in the world, an alluring slogan or cause that speaks in the name of justice against the unjust seems worthy of backing. At the time, it would have felt more ostracizing to dive beyond the surface and pound the gavel in objection. Although I can look back now and see my conformity in the name of standing for anything that was subject to my feelings alone was ever-present, I would not have recognized it as such at the time or close thereafter. I was, admittedly, emphatically pro all that said I was the decision-maker in my life and that my choices were subject to my own governing authority. To suggest that abortion was about anything other than my own personal choice would have been altogether ludicrous to the girl standing on the street corner passively partaking in what felt right.
But what is right and who decides it? Is it society that is often changed by the biggest tide pushing the culture in one direction? Is it my own personal views? If it were up to me, at the time, I would have said that right was a mix of a few things I learned in the Bible and whatever served my selfish motives in a given moment. The rightness that I felt was not as a result of knowing, in its full capacity, what I was walking around for. The rightness I felt was the suppression of what the law of God has written as actually right on my heart. The simple fact the Bible teaches that we are not to be selfish or do things from conceit points to the very instinctive nature of our hearts. I was wholly selfish pursuing not truth but subjective ideas that fit the narrative I wanted to paint for my life.
This narrative was one of a strong, independent, lacking in any motherly instinct, powerful, I can do it all on my own, type of woman. While I would never say being strong or driven is bad or that a woman's value is placed only on her ability to be a mother, I know that my heart's motive behind this personal narrative was all centered around my pride. These same feelings-led and subjective truth mentality continued to follow me all of my life until years later when God's grace opened my eyes to the wretched sin nature that existed in me and manifested in a multitude of horrendous ways. One of these ways that my sin and pride manifested was in a life of careless promiscuity and consequentially, accidental pregnancy. I remember sitting in the Walmart bathroom absolutely stunned that the very act that creates life had worked and created one in mine. The moment I saw two pink lines on a stick, no other choice came into my mind but to have an abortion. I knew I could carry the baby and give it up for adoption as an alternative, but because of my disgusting selfishness, I did not want to 'ruin' my body and image by the mere inconvenience of a child that God knew before they found themselves in my womb.
Oftentimes when I used to imagine abortion ministries, I saw middle-aged men standing on the corner of a Planned Parenthood shouting with microphones. I remember cringing at the thought that anyone would stand there and assert that abortion was murder in the faces of those making their choice for their body. Additionally, I remained perplexed that men felt they could speak to the 'issues' that women face. "How could they know what it's like to get pregnant unexpectedly and have to make a decision affecting the entirety of their future?", I often thought. Ironically enough, I didn't proclaim the same assumptions for the men standing shoulders touching with me walking over the lined route pointed at 'women's right to choose'. It was only when their opinion differed from mine that I protested their ability to discern what was right and wrong. The idea, I held at the time, was that truth was subjective. This idea should not have offered me the ability to say those fighting against abortion were wrong and yet, there I was attempting to argue against it.
My story of abortion is dark and painful, but by God's grace, I have found both healing and refuge in the shadow of the Almighty that chose to die for even one of the most wretched sinners in me. I remember years after my abortion, with knots in my stomach, sitting in Bible studies hearing the fifth commandment of "thou shall not murder" (Exodus 20:13) and wondering if anyone could read the utter guilt dripping down the front of my face. Additionally, as I read passages like Romans 1:29 and Mark 7:21-23 speaking of the acts of evil in mankind resulting in murder, I could not escape the reality of what my abortion meant. In the beginning of my Christian walk, I remember feeling as though my abortion was both simultaneously the unforgivable and unspeakable sin. It held tight bondage over me shadowing the truth that I am fully forgiven because of what Jesus Christ did. This bondage wasn't because of the 'shame' put on me by other Christians.
This bondage was first as a result of seeing my sin rightly. Secondly, it was because instead of walking in the freedom of Christ, I remained subject to the ramifications of the old life that had died with Christ; the old life that results in bondage in sin apart from Christ. My personal account of what happened in my abortion is irrelevant. It is irrelevant because I am not a victim, and I do not want sympathy. The heart is deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9). I was fully dead in my trespasses following the course of the world marching along to the beat of the cause that felt right to me at the time. I was a child of disobedience living in the passions of my flesh, carrying out the desires of my body, and were by nature a child of wrath (Ephesians 2:3). But, God being rich in mercy and with great love, transferred me, a murderer, out of the domain of darkness and into the kingdom of His beloved Son (Colossians 1:13). Therefore, my journey from pro-choice to fighting for the sanctity of life is not a result of my becoming "enlightened" to the atrocity that is abortion on my own. Rather, it is because by God's grace I am not living for the glory of man but for fighting for the unique life that God knits together before parent's see those two lines, and the transformation of life that happens only as a result of God's rich mercy and great love in Jesus Christ. I am not emphatically passionate about the truth of what abortion is as if to right the wrongs of my own sin - Jesus did that. I write this blog, talk to others, and pursue the sanctity of life because God's Spirit that dwells in me bears witness to the truth of His Word as it talks about life and the taking of it in its most innocent form.
I am compelled first by God's Word, but I am also impelled by the truth of what abortion actually is. Since I am predominantly talking to my brothers and sisters in Christ, I urge you to start first with God's Word and then come to the knowledge of the reality of what takes place in abortion and what even most current pro-choice advocates believe now (based on science) for when life actually begins. Additionally, I urge all Christians to begin calling abortion for what it is. It is murder, and I will refer to doctors who have performed thousands of abortions in all three trimesters and science on the discovery of DNA to show you why this is. I understand the propensity is to shy away from this subject as Christians because of the controversy that often follows it, but I remind us all that we are not to be conformed to this world but rather we are to walk in the narrow gate; knowing that a life of being hated by the world for what we believe is spoke of both by Jesus and the other authors in the New Testament. It was through both God's grace and sanctification, coming into a full knowledge of what abortion is, when life begins, and why life is sacred that I fully healed from my own decision. Now, my heart grieves deeply for the millions of babies being killed every year. I truly pray that your heart will as well.
Why is all life sacred and abortion wrong?
God creates and knits us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13)
God created male and female in his own image (Genesis 1:27)
God made mankind little lower than angels and crowned them with glory and honor (Psalm 8:5)
Children are a heritage and reward from God (Psalm 127:3)
God detests hands that shed innocent blood (Proverbs 6:17)
God does not forget us even as our mother may (Isaiah 49:15)
When does life begin?
God creates and knits us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13)
Human development begins after the union of male and female gametes or germ cells during a process known as fertilization (conception). - [Moore, Keith L. Essentials of Human Embryology. Toronto: B.C. Decker Inc, 1988, p.2]
The zygote (when a single sperm enters the egg) contains all of the genetic information (DNA) needed to become a baby. Half the DNA comes from the mother's egg and half from the father's sperm. - [Medical Encyclopedia on Fetal Development]
"Zygote. This cell, formed by the union of an ovum and a sperm (Gr. zyg tos, yoked together), represents the beginning of a human being. The common expression 'fertilized ovum' refers to the zygote." - [Moore, Keith L. and Persaud, T.V.N. Before We Are Born: Essentials of Embryology and Birth Defects. 4th edition. Philadelphia: W.B. Saunders Company, 1993, p. 1]
What is abortion and how is it done?
Chemically (taken by two pills) - Mix of drugs that induces a miscarriage and aborts the child.
First Trimester Surgical - A doctor introduces a suction catheter into the uterus and most often can perform the abortion with this device alone. With the catheter, the doctor sucks the baby out of the mother's womb like a vacuum.
Second Trimester Surgical - A doctor introduces a suction catheter into the uterus in order to suction out the amniotic fluid. After this, the doctor introduces a Sopher clamp. On the end of this clamp are rows of sharp teeth and its primary use is to grip strongly onto the baby. When it gets ahold of something it grasps, it is designed to not let go. A doctor then blindly (because they cannot see inside the womb) inserts the Sopher clamp inside the uterus and begins to grab and pull hard often first resulting in just a leg coming out. After setting the leg aside, they continue to reach in again and again pulling the baby out piece by piece often seeing white material (their brain) run out of the cervix once they have successfully grabbed on their head. Doctors have also attested to the fact they pull out their heads often seeing a face looking back at them. Once all body parts are removed and accounted for, the abortion is complete.
Third Trimester Surgical - Abortions performed after 20 weeks gestation, when not done by induction of labor (which leads to fetal death due to prematurity), are most commonly performed by dilation and evacuation (D & E) procedures. These particularly gruesome surgical techniques involve crushing, dismemberment, and removal of a baby'ss body from a woman’s uterus, mere weeks before, or even after, the fetus reaches a developmental age of potential viability outside the mother. In some cases, especially when the baby is past the stage of viability, the abortion may involve the administration of a lethal injection into the baby's heart in utero to ensure that the baby is not pulled out alive or with the ability to survive.
My choice was not for my health as is often asserted in the pro-choice arguments. I was perfectly healthy when I became pregnant. My choice to abort my baby was out of purely selfish desires to uphold an image and live a life devoted to myself. I know this isn't the case for all women, but from the many studies I've read, this is the unfortunate majorty. I used to argue that a baby wasn't actually a living and growing human when it was in the mother's womb, but as we can see, science disproves this. Only when a baby is considered to be in the safest place for itself do we consider killing it, morally acceptable. Once the baby is born, the thought of killing it (and somehow still not to all) is accepted as horrendous and against the law. I want you to consider how backward this is. We kill a baby when we cannot see it and deem it a right but we care for and take pictures of one who we can see face to face. Additionally, nowhere else do we deem it acceptable to murder someone simply because of their size or stage in growth. Yet, this argument is used often for 1st and 2nd-trimester abortions. I don't say all of this from a place of judgment. I have no call to judge, but I do have a call to bring to light that which is true, honorable, and in accordance with the Word of God. I speak on this because I know first-hand what abortion is and because I care for anyone that is considering the decision I made.
If you were to tell that pro-choice young woman that she would be like those middle-aged men with megaphones as a result of her own abortion, God's grace, and God's sovereignty even in that, she would have rolled her eyes and quickly walked away. Instead of judging those who many cringe at as they fight for the sanctity of life, I will be joining them. I will in both kindness and in truth show other women that I do know what you're going through, and I still stand for the truth of God's Word and what it says about the sanctity of the life that is growing inside of you. I recognize the complexity of this issue, and I do not have deaf ears to the pain of those who have been raped or molested. I do not assert either that we are to convince you to save your baby from murder so that you can be left alone to struggle in raising it. I come before you, with many others around the country, aiming to love you as Christ first loved as - pointing you to Him who knitted together each baby before we ever battled over the decision of whether to keep or remove their precious life.
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